Rules Of Acquisition

12 January 2018 rules of acquisition, capitalism, ferengi

The Rules Of Acquisition

Once you have their money, never give it back
You can’t cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try
Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to
Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
If you can’t break a contract, bend it
Never let family stand in the way of opportunity
Always keep you ears open
Keep count of your change
Instinct plus opportunity equals profit
A dead customer can’t buy as much as a live one
Latinum isn’t the only thing that shines
Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
Anything stolen is pure profit
Acting stupid is often smart
A deal is a deal … until a better one comes along
A bargain usually isn’t
A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
Don’t lie too soon after a promotion
When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
Never place friend ship before profit
Wise men can hear profit in the wind
Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
Never ask when you can take
Fear makes a good business partner
The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
Morality is always defined by those in power
When someone says “It’s not the money,” they’re lying
Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money
Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother
Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects
It never hurts to suck up to the boss
War is good for business
Peace is good for business
Too many Ferengi can’t laugh at themselves anymore
You can always buy back a lost reputation
Free advertising is cheap
Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
If you see profit on a journey, take it
Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
Never argue with a loaded phaser
Profit has limits. Loss has none
Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
Never trust a man wearing a better suit than you own
The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
Never bluff a Klingon
Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame
Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas
Sell first; ask questions later
Never buy anything you can’t sell
Always sell at the highest possible profit
Pursue profit; women come later
Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum - treasure them
Friendship is seldom cheap
Fee advice is never cheap
Never use Latinum where your words will do
Never buy what can be stolen
The riskier the road, the greater the profit
Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
Don’t talk shop; talk shopping
Don’t talk ship; talk shipping
Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it
Enough is never enough
Compassion is no substitute for a profit
You could afford your ship without your government - if it weren’t for your government
Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
Never let the competition know, what you’re thinking
Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don’t trust
A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum
Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies
Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit
Don’t discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers
Benefit from the Vulcan greed for knowledge
If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique
There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman
A smart customer is not a good customer
Revenge is profitless
She can touch your ears but never your Latinum
Death takes no bribes
A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity
Trust is the biggest liability of all
When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something
Latinum lasts longer than lust
Mine is better than ours
He who drinks fast pays slow
Never confuse wisdom with luck
He’s a fool who makes his doctor his heir
Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
Important, more impotant, Latinum
Faith moves mountains - of inventory
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don’t tell it to a friend
Profit is the better part of valor
Never trust a wise man
Everything that has no owner, needs one
Never do something you can make someone do for you
Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever
Sleep can interfere with opportunity
Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
Wise men don’t lie, they just bend the truth
There is no honor in poverty
Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian Beetle Snuff
A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit
Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack
Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
Treat people in your debt like family … exploit them
Never sleep with the boss’s wife unless you pay him first
Never sleep with the boss’s sister
Small print lead to large risk
Greed is eternal
There’s always a way out
If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is
Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
Buy, sell, or get out of the way
Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum
Everything is for sale, even friendship
As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer
A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
Friendship is temporary, profit is forever
A lie isn’t a lie until someone else knows the truth
A lie isn’t a lie, it’s just the truth seen from a different point of view
Gratitude can bring on generosity
Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races
Never trust your customers
Never trust a beneficiary
If it gets you profit, sell your own mother
The flimsier the produce, the higher the price
Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet … sometimes good things come in small packages
There’s always a catch
The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it
The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!
Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father
Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder
Wives serve; brother inherit
The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves
The family of Fools is ancient
There’s nothing wrong with charity … as long as it winds up in your pocket
Always ask for the costs first
If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ
New customers are like razor toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back
Opportunity waits for no one
Females and finances don’t mix
Make your shop easy to find
Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits
You can’t free a fish from water
The difference between manure and Latinum is commerece
What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine too
Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit
You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
Don’t pay until you have the goods
The customer is always right … until you have their cash
Respect is good, Latinum is better
Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
His money is only your’s when he can’t get it back
A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn’t
Never spend your own money when you can spend someone elses
Never allow one’s culture’s law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
Never give away for free what can be sold
If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal
Beware of relatives bearing gifts
If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
Never gamble with an empath
Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
If you can sell it, don’t hsitate to steal it
A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer’s pocket
Share and perish
When everything fails - run
Ferengi’s don’t give promotional gifts!
Know your enemies … but do business with them always
The world is a stage - don’t forget to demand admission
Whenever you think that things can’t get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door
Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
Even dishonesty can’t tarnish the glow of Latinum
Whenever you’re being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES
Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine
There are three things you must not talk to aliens: sex, religion and taxes
If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way
There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes
If your dancing partner wants to lead at all costs, let her have her own way and ask another one to dance
Never bet on a race you haven’t fixed
Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing
Drive your business or it will drive you
Let other keep their reputation. You keep their money
If the flushing isn’t strong enough, use your brain and try the brush
Klingon women don’t dance tango
It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door
Wounds heal, but debt is forever
Only give money to people you know you can steal from
Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives
Employees are the rungs on your ladder to success - don’t hesitate to step on them
The secret of one person is another person’s opportunity
A madman with Latinum means profit without return
The justification for profit is profit
a) A friend in need is a customer in the making b) A friend in need means three times the profit
A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free
When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it’s time to leave town until he’s gone
When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'
Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it’s good to have a friend around when you lose
Never trust a hardworking employee
Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer
Tell them what they want to hear
A wife, who is able to clean, saves the cleaning lady
In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator
If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much
Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides
Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach
Instinct without opportunity is useless
Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself
Only pay for it if you are confronted with loaded phaser
Always know what you’re buying
A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount
Profit is like a bed of roses - a few thorns are inevitable
Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes
Knowledge is Latinum
Rich men don’t come to buy; they come to take
Never throw anything away: It may be worht a lot of Latinum some Stardate
Pride comes before a loss
Don’t take your family for granted, only their Latinum
Loyalty can be bought … and sold
All things come to those who wait, even Latinum
Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox
Manipulation may be a Ferengi’s greatest tool, and liability
If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty
Life’s no fair (How else would you turn a profit?)
Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining
Never deal with beggars; it’s bad for profits
Don’t trust anyone who trusts you
You can’t buy fate
There’s a sucker born every minute. Be sure you’re the first to find each one
The truth will cost
Ambition knows no family
The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away
Never underestimate the inportance of the fist impression
More is good, all is better
If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT
If you can’t sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
A warranty is valid only if they can find you
He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them
Never question luck
Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
Respect other culture’s beliefs; they’ll be more likely to give you money
A dead vendor doesn’t demand money
Satisfaction is not guaranteed
Let the buyer beware
A contract without fine print is a fool’s document
Anyone who can’t tell a fake doesn’t deserve the real thing
A warranty without loop-holes is a liability
Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse
Only fools negotiate with their own money
A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets
A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know
Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don’t get caught in the process
A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience
No lobes, no profit
Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit
It’s not the size of your planet, but it’s income, that matters
The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend - choose wisely
A pair of good ears will ring dry a hundred tongues
Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well
a) When in doubt, lie b) When in doubt, buy c) When in doubt, demand more money d) When in doubt, shoot them, take their money, run and blame someone else
Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value
It’s better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all
There’s many witty men whose brains can’t line their pockets
The way to a Ferengi’s heart is through his wallet
Always count their Latinum before selling anything